Earlier this month I asked a group of HR leaders which discussions they found most difficult. Their top four were:
• speaking up to senior leaders
• dealing with resistance to change
• delivering bad news and
• giving difficult feedback to talented employees
The good news is that tough discussions become much easier when approached systematically. The following six steps can help:
1. Recognise when a discussion is needed
Tough discussions are most useful when there is a repeated pattern of behaviour or an issue that is affecting results, relationships or wellbeing. Once it becomes clear that a discussion is needed, schedule it. The longer people engage in problematic behaviour, the more entrenched it becomes, reducing the likelihood of a productive outcome when a discussion finally occurs.
2. Prepare
Next, give the person a heads-up that you would like to have this conversation. A simple message such as “Could we spend some time tomorrow discussing something important?” gives them an opportunity to prepare their thoughts and arrive ready for a constructive discussion.
3. Create the conditions for a constructive discussion
It can also help to acknowledge the other person’s strengths or contributions. This technique, known as contrasting, helps people see that the discussion is intended to improve a situation, not diminish their value.
Once you’ve established a shared purpose and reassured the other person that you value their contribution, you can turn your attention to the issue itself.
4. Share your facts, feelings and story
Yet that vulnerability often improves the quality of the discussion. By acknowledging that your perspective may be incomplete, you create space for a more accurate understanding of the situation.
5. Listen carefully
You may discover information that changes your interpretation of the situation completely. Once both perspectives are on the table, it becomes much easier to identify a way forward.
6. Agree on what happens next
Finally, agree on the actions that will be taken, who is responsible for what and when progress will be reviewed. Put the review session in the calendar before the meeting ends so there is a clear commitment to follow-through.
Handled well, these conversations strengthen relationships, improve performance and prevent small problems from becoming large ones.
If you would like to build this capability within your team, Transforming Engagements Ltd (TES) delivers practical workshops that help leaders and employees navigate difficult conversations with greater confidence and skill.